The Novice (Ch. 1)

The second-story studio apartment had not been cleaned for months. The urine ring around the toilet was all the proof one needed, but the dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes strewn about, and the blob asleep on the hide-a-bed sofa added to the ambiance of the apartment. Stan is not in a happy place. His fiance' broke off the relationship in May, citing that he had "changed too much." It is now early August and unemployed Stan's Seattle apartment complex (along with nearly every other domicile in Seattle) does not have the air conditioning to combat the record heat wave scorching the Pacific Northwest.

Stan grudgingly wakes up a few minutes after noon on this forecasted record-breaking Wednesday. The shades are still drawn, but the heat is pouring into the room, and Stan is finding the sofa too sticky to stay asleep. He swears to himself as sits up on the sofa, blood and last night's whiskey rushing to his head. After a minute sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands, he manages to stand and makes a bee-line for the bathroom.

Between Stan and his porcelain throne sits Stan's faithful 20lb cat, Herbert. Herbert perks up at Stan, who for all Herbert knows may be rushing to fill his empty food bowl in the bathroom. Unfortunately for both human and feline, Stan does not see Herbert on the floor, camouflaged amongst the dirty clothes of the past month.

Herbert lets out a howl. Stan lets out a howl and a string of curse words as he crumples to the floor. Stan notices Herbert limping away and feels sick to his stomach. Sickness to his stomach, combined with the bile already forming in his mouth from his adult headache, causes his mouth to erupt like St. Helens.